Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
