Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
