the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
