I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
