I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
