i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want to be your penis for a week.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
