Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
