if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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