We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please don't give away my fajitas
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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