you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
