seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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