We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
