Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
