Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
