I wish I only lived at night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
