The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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