Swine flu. Run for my life!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your penis caused this!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize