They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
