So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We are two peas in an std pod
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
being pregnant is like rehab
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
