i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
