I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
