At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize