I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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