I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
