hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
