Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
