I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
