Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Randomize
