This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
