At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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