she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
