Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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