we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
