btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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