wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fill condoms, not promises.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
