First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
