They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize