Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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