Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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