my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
