He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
