how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
