also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
