Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
