I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
