I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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