You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
