I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
