yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
