Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize