Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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