This house was built for laser tag.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
