hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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