For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
