Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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