4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
