If i come over, it means nothing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
