You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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