I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
