The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
