it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
