I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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