bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
