wanna go halves on a baby?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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