I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
