dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
