fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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