Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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