how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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